Being a Busy Bee... or not

I've been catching up on some things I've needed to do. I've filmed quite a few videos for my YouTube channels. And, I'm going to film a makeup tutorial tonight. :D


But other than that I've been totally lazy. I swear, these days all I can do is lay in bed. No exercise, no cleaning, minimal job searching, at least 12 hours of sleep and a good 4-5 hours of television time. I'm doing quite a bit of thinking these days. I've been noticing that my energy is down, my motivation is nonexistent, I'm feeling quite sad. And I'm starting to wonder, what is wrong with me? Five years ago I'd say that I was experiencing a bout of depression. But these days I'm less eager to blame my feelings on depression.

I few days ago I had a really bad night. I had gotten into an argument with my boyfriend about something stupid. And I felt so lost, and alone. I kept thinking back on my crappy childhood, and it just sent me spinning deeper in my misery. This is, of course, affecting my weight loss efforts. And it has also kept me away from making more videos. When you never get out of bed there is no desire to make yourself up and show it to the world, you know? So, I'm trying to get back to doing some of the things I enjoy instead of rotting my brain in front of the t.v.

I've also been having this urge to write. Deep down there is a part of me that wishes I could be a writer. I've been dying to write a novel for years now. I always start one, but never follow through. Bleh, I feel so scattered! I'm gonna get going on that makeup tutorial.